Cutting is a coping mechanism that hides behind the scenes, and someone I care deeply about uses cutting to deal with their pain.

I AM NOT A PROFESSIONAL. This article is based upon personal experience and research.

Why I Wrote An Article On Cutting

I hope to start much needed dialogue within families and churches. Our kids need safe places to share their pain, and parents and church leaders need to be aware of the problem and become equipped to respond with compassion and wisdom.

Parents and church leaders also need to be able to:

• Institute measures to help youth and families avoid such struggles and pain. (I’ll speak more to that later in the article.)
• Assist families and youth to offer hope and healing.

Research on Cutting and Self-Injurious Behaviors

For those into hard-core research, NIH has a very exhaustive study about self-injurious behaviors. If scientific reading isn’t your thing, (I didn’t read the entire article as it is quite technical) I’ve highlighted some less technical articles in blue. (To access these just click on the blue words throughout the article, for those new to blogs.)

Statistically, about 15-17% of teens cut. Stats for college students run 17-35%. Adults 5%. I saw more articles on teen averages than any other age bracket. Child cutting does occur, but children don’t cut or self-injure as much as teens or college students.

Reality is, cutting is often done in secret utilizing areas of the body that aren’t readily visible, so the averages could really be much higher.

Cutting isn’t the only self-harm mechanism. There is also head banging or hitting, burning, or objects such as the point of metal paper clips pushed under finger nails or into the skin, but these aren’t as likely.

Also, as our world becomes more emotionally charged through increased normalization of violence, I am concerned that the statistics of cutting and self-injurious behavior will also rise.

Why do people cut or self-harm?

This dearly loved person whom we know is very creative and can be very kind and thoughtful but “they” have also endured pain most kids and young adults should never endure. This person once said “they” cut because, “When I see the blood flow, it makes me feel alive. Most of the time I feel dead inside.” (I have changed pronouns and have left out as much information as needed to keep this person anonymous.)

There’s a myriad reason why people cut. One article I read likened it to those who choose to drink or do drugs to numb the pain. Science has proven that physical pain runs along the same neural pathways as emotional pain, so sometimes people cut to short-circuit emotional pain. Here are two articles to help you understand how this happens. (Again click on the article if you wish to read it.)

A 2020 article by Forbes

A 2012 article by Psychology Today

Click here for a professional list of reasons people gave for cutting.

What should I look for when I suspect cutting or self-harm?

For a professional list of signs to alert you that your loved one may be cutting or self-harming, click here. The main signs to look for are:

• Wearing inappropriate clothing for the season to cover scars or wounds.
• An unusual demand for extreme privacy, either by being very evasive or a suddenly unwilling to use the locker room at school.
• Scars covering scars, or jagged scars that don’t match with the reasons given for them.
• The make-up of your loved one’s friends or lack of friends.
• Mood changes that include seeming secrecy.

If you have suspicions about your loved one’s injuries what should you do?

I’m certain our kids realize self-harm is an issue among their peers, but do we adults know what’s going on? Iit seems too horrendous to even consider. But we must become aware and have tools available to us, for the sake of our kids and the kids around us.

If you suspect something is wrong with your loved one, don’t waste time pretending nothing is wrong or that your child is just going through a phase.

Begin dialogue as soon as possible

A Harvard study (click here for the article) stated that asking about cutting won’t usually encourage cutting, but it will let the person know you care. Try to engage them in calm conversation. If you are unable to stay calm, ask for help from someone you trust. The most important things to remember are:

• They need you to be able to listen calmly and compassionately without shaming or guilting them.
• They need to know you care even if you don’t fully understand.
• They need to know that there is hope.
• They need encouragement to get help.

What to do if your child is a minor

Your loved one needs help. If they are a minor, get them to your primary physician, a psychiatrist, psychologist, or trusted social worker for an evaluation. The stats show that even grade school kids cut, not at the level of teens or college students.But if you see injuries that appear to show harm in a small child, don’t assume they did it to themselves. Protect the child by getting them to a professional as soon as possible, and be willing to call the authorities in your community if necessary.

Jesus’ centered resources in the US for people who are cutting

As a Christian and someone who has dealt with trauma in my own life, I found a Christian trauma counselor in my area who helped me deal with my trauma in a professional and God-centered manner. My husband is a pastor, and I know that if he was aware of a minor or adult cutting, he would want to come alongside, but would also highly recommend professional help.

I haven’t vetted these organization, but thought I’d give some resources I found online for Christian Trauma Counseling:

Focus on the Family has a thorough article on how to find a reputable Christian Counselor, along with a recommended network you can utilize, and the opportunity for a one-time consult with one of their staff counselors. Their list is nationwide, and offers a variety of specialties with virtual services available.

There are also a myriad of resources if you search “Christian Trauma Counseling.” The above article may give you some helpful information on what to look for and what to ask those with whom you speak.

For those looking for prayer ministry that has been successful in ministering to those with trauma, I have found healing from trauma using an inner healing prayer ministry called, Connect Up, in Pennsylvania. They are not listed as licensed counselors. They utilize ZOOM calls and in-person sessions, so anyone can utilize their resources. There is also a prayer ministry called “God Heals PTSD” that has been utilized by God to bring healing to thousands of people with PTSD.

How can we prevent cutting from happening?

We can’t fully, but we can be aware of the stressors in our loved-one’s lives that contribute. We can:

• Build the relationships needed for our kids to feel comfortable about sharing their hearts both within the home and church setting.
• Regarding minors, take notice of our children’s friends, and the amount of time they are on social media. Those who cut will share with peers who cut. Things spread.
• Don’t assume because all looks good on the outside, or because they are active in church that things are always okay.
• Jesus showed the most wounded great compassion without shame and judgement. Like Jesus, we must be lavish with hope and forgiveness, mimicking Jesus as he:
  • Spent time with a lonely and forgotten woman to whom he gave new life, John 4:1-42
  • Offered forgiveness and a new life to a woman accused of adultery, rescuing her from a religious group wanting to stone her, John 8:1-11
  • Gave new life to an emotionally, physically, and spiritually tormented man who had suffered many years, Mark 5:1-20

If we call ourselves by Jesus’ name, we are commanded to do the works Jesus did and saw his Father doing. (John 14:12; John 5:19-23)

Jesus offers hope for the wounded and their families

I’m encouraged that the Bible doesn’t refrain from discussing anything, including uncomfortable topics. If the Bible covers the easy and the hard of life, we too should be willing to grow in our understanding of the social pressures our kids endure, and engage them with compassion, understanding, and hope–with all the wisdom God offers.

Our kids also need to know that the God who knit them together in their mother’s womb (Psalm 139) cares deeply (1 Peter 5:7) and calls them to into a dialogue with him, as seen throughout the scriptures. I recently read the following Bible verses and the Holy Spirit said to share them. These words have encouraged people for centuries to cry out to God who has responded with peace and power. God invites you to do the same.

Out of the depths I cry to you, Lord;
Lord, hear my voice.
Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy.

If you, Lord, kept a record of sins, Lord, who could stand?
But with you there is forgiveness, so that we can, with reverence, serve you.

I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope.
I wait for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning.Psalm 130:1-6 NIV